Astrology

Okay, so if you are one of those people who are enticed by the idea of astrology, and have planted your feet firmly in the belief that if Jupiter isn't aligned correctly your wedding couldn't possibly go right and therefore it must be canceled, do not read on; for your world will be crushed.

Actually, read on.

Do the world a favor.

My roommate has recently become infatuated with the idea of astrology. It innocently started with a facebook quiz that calculated your birth number. He thought it was cool how much "information" the quiz provided and that such a fair percentage of it actually correlated with him. So to increase his knowledge of the incredibly important subject of astrology, he began his research and at the same time, began stretching my patience.

For about three days now, he has been researching a literally pointless topic. Sure it can be fun to occasionally seek out your horoscope and laugh at how obscure and general it is, but three days vigorously researching it? What a waste. Not only that, but he's been graciously sharing his findings with me. It's been quite the learning experience for me, in a sense, I'm learning how increasingly smart I am for not believing in astrology!

"Look look! It says, "You are a cautious person." I /AM/ a cautious person! It knows me!"
      Yeah, you are a cautious person, I think everyone is in fact a "cautious" person. Did you watch out today when you closed the door to make sure you didn't slam your toe when you shut it? CONGRATULATIONS YOU WERE CAUTIOUS! Did you pay any attention to what any car was doing at any point along the duration of your walk to campus? CONGRATULATIONS YOU WERE BEING CAUTIOUS! Oh my god that is so right, it's a miracle!

"Oh, and it also says, "You are wise with your money." wow!"
      You know, if  you think about it, nobody goes to the store and says, "You know, I'm being extremely irresponsible with my money right now." Every person thinks they are using their money in their best interest. Even if that interest is buying cigarettes and beer on government money, they believe that deep down, little Billy needs his mommy to have her beer, so that she doesn't strangle him. Therefore, that would be a "wise" financial decision, because who wants to be on the news as the lady who strangled their child over a beer?

Then it came, the most influential sentence of my life...

"You know...Josh and your astrological signs are not compatible..."
    - Oh fuck, I didn't know that. The fact that Josh and I have been together seven months with hardly any problems must have been a fluke. In reality we are both strained to be with each other and it causes us great pain and suffering. Why am I subjecting myself to a Taurus as a Sagittarius? When I could as easily go out and find myself an Aries, or Leo? God I'm so stupid! How could I have overlooked something so important as the sign that obviously tells me who I can and cannot be with! I can be so naive sometimes. Jeez.

After acquiring such  important news, I proceeded to call Josh up and break up with him. I mean it was only best, since we were obviously on the verge of breaking up, even though I have not the faintest feeling of it. It must be there, the signs told me so...

In case you were actually thinking I broke up with my boyfriend over that, you haven't been paying much attention.

And then the "cusp" emerged. Oh and guess what? I'm on a "cusp" too. Oooooh yeah.
This means that I'm "in-between" signs and that I possess a little bit of both signs instead of being purely one or the other. Oooh well that opened a whole new can of worms. Since he was on a cusp, he felt the urge to learn about his "other half" and went on another rampage. Telling me all about it along the way.

Finally I broke down and tried to explain to him the concept of  being vague. See, these horoscopes and other random nonsensical things, use being vague to their advantage. If they are vague, anyone can relate to them, in pretty much any way possible. This makes it much more believable for people when it comes down to it. Don't quite understand? Here's some examples...

You will acquire some unexpected money.
 Well then, you're walking down the street and find 35 cents on the sidewalk. Then you think to yourself, "Oh my god, the horoscope told me I'd find unexpected money! I didn't expect to find this money, I didn't plant it here, I didn't know it was coming. I knew the horoscope was right! Psh, fuck you Kori you don't know what you're talking about." See? Vague. It didn't specify when, you could find a dollar in your couch five years from now and it could still "count." It didn't specify an amount or a size estimate. That 35 cents counts. Although you might wish it was 35 million, 35 cents counts. The end.

There will be a pregnancy in your life.
  See? Are we seeing a trend yet? It doesn't say who, when, etc, it just says there will be one. This means that one day you could go into work and your boss's wife's sister's dog could be pregnant and technically, that counts. That dog is in your life, even though it's very, very, VERY extended. The fact your boss told you makes it part of your day, which is part of your life. You think about it and remember that the horoscope told you there would be a pregnancy in your life, OHNOESITCAMETRUE!

A friend will be in need of your assistance today.
  This is a bit better, since it says "today" in that sentence, that means if a friend does not call upon you for anything it was a LIE!! But really it's still pretty vague. I mean what do they mean assistance? Your friend could ask for homework help, a phone number, what apartment you live in, what 3 x 2 is, whatever! That is a request for assistance. Now had it said "A friend will be in need of academic assistance today." and that happened, I'd be a bit more apt to believe that the horoscope/astrology bull knew what the hell it was talking about.

Eventually I looked for any way out, and so I asked Fari and Sept if they wanted some cookies. They did. I got in the car and drove down there as quickly as possible. When Fari and Sept asked me if I wanted to stay for a bit, I accepted. I stayed for nearly an hour and a half, when I got home I was pleased to find my roommate had gone to bed. I walked into the kitchen, and looked at the mess I had to clean up in the morning. I looked at the sink, we have a whiteboard hanging over it, and noticed a huge block of writing on it. I began to read it...

Since I wasn't there for him to tell, he made a very nice account of all he found and wrote it down for me, so that I would not feel left out of his research.

I almost cried.

Picture?

My scanner wont scan images this big so until I get it figured out...here ya go. :D

Cookies for Fari

So yesterday my roommate Brian and I had way too much fun for our own good. See, I had promised our friend Fari we'd make her cookies, because she called my boyfriend slow, and his brother an ass. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy to see somebody had a clue. So I decided I'd make a pumpkin cookie for them, seeing as though I had a shit load of pumpkin puree in the cabinet from our neighbour Dean. I read the reviews and they were mixed, it was a black-white line of either, "THESE COOKIES SUCK." or "THESE COOKIES ARE FANTASTIC!" So I figured maybe the people who had shitty cookies were one's that couldn't bake and that I'd give it a shot anyway.

Bad Idea.

So I mixed the dough up and then I had to refrigerate it for a few hours, so I went to find cookie cutters. See, these were roll out cookies, so I needed them. Brian wanted to tag along, and that was fine with me. So we set out on an adventure...sorta. We first went to the dollar store, and found only one bag of cookie cutters shaped like flowers and a blob. Okay, as much as I love blobs, why do I need a cookie cutter shaped like one? So after no luck finding cutters there we went to Albertson's. To which we found no cookie cutters, or people who gave a fuck about helping us. This is why I don't shop there- bleh. So we walked down to Fred Meyers and looked there. I ended up giving in and buying a flower shaped cookie cutter because it had a bee cookie cutter in there too. I love bees. So I decided we'd just make scary flowers and bees...for...Halloween. Heh.

After getting home, Brian and I cut out the cookies and threw them in the oven, they smelled pretty good. I thought to myself, hahaha stupid assholes, these cookies are gonna rock. When they came out they looked golden and delicious. I decided I'd try one and see how they went. I picked up a sweet smelling, golden, crunchy cookie and took a bite. Holy shit was I wrong, those things tasted like shit. Floury dry shit. I was so pissed, I had already bought the cookie cutter and the frosting and here we were holding nasty dry cookies. Well, maybe they'd be better with frosting? No they just tasted like sugary flour now. Ugh. Stupid cookies. I just looked at Brian and he tried one, he said they tasted like animal crackers. I suppose....if you left them out for two weeks.

Since I'd already bought the stuff to make cookies I said we should just decorate them anyway. So on we went decorating them. Below are some pictures of our decorating awesomeness. I was so excited cause the box had these really wicked decorated cookies. "Mine are gonna look so fucking awesome" I said to myself. I totally rock the cookie decorating world.

Okay seriously? Why the fuck doesn't mine look like the box?

My sad bees and...leaves...

Now see, it STILL doesn't look like the box. I bet those fuckers used plastic cookies. Psh, losers.

Now Brian decorated some cookies too!!....10 points if you can guess what they are.

I told Brian he should go into cookie decorating as a career. He called his cookies "New Age", I honestly couldn't tell what they were. I didn't press the matter. 

Overall it was a pretty fun experience and we laughed, a LOT. I bet Dean probably thought we were drunk we were laughing so hard. Then to top it off, we packed the scary looking cookies up and drove them to Sept and Fari's and doorbell ditched them. Hahahaha, I made sure to leave a note saying that they were more joke cookies and they really didnt need to eat them cause honestly, they tasted like shit. Fari and Sept ate them anyway.

Oy vey.

.

Hello, welcome to hell!

So today at work was a total grump-fest. Turns out our manager had gone to this meeting and then came back and said our store looked like shit. I for one, do not agree, I think the store looked better than he made it out to be. Anyway, he chewed out the assistant manager, and she happened to be in charge of us tonight. Since she was upset she decided that we were going to "recover" and make the entire store look "grocery store neat." Yeah, ya know how big the store is? Yeah not fun.

So we walked down every isle and moved everything forward, straightened, dusted, insert-other-random-thing-here, and pretty much just made the store look ungodly tidy. Meanwhile the customers visiting our store decided it would be beneficial to our job security to move the shit we already had organized to places they didn't belong. Sometimes I just love customers. I was also placed in the ribbon department, which was about as fun as being stabbed in the eye with a stick. People are special...they really, really are.

There's this amazing concept I wish people would understand, if you did not already know this: The ribbon on the OUTSIDE of the roll looks exactly like the ribbon on the INSIDE! I know, I know, it's a tough concept. Now that you are trained in the art of knowing what the inside of a roll of ribbon looks like, stop pulling the ribbon from outside the plastic wrap and unrolling it!! Jesus Christ people are you stupid? (Nevermind, dumb question.)

Well, I conveniently have my chemistry final tomorrow morning, so I'm headed to bed.
I'm tired.
I'm sore.
I'm hungry.
Fuck it all tired rules out everything, I'm going to bed.

Night.

Where do you live?

I promised art, I didn't promise GOOD art. Here is one inspired by Session 9, a movie Brian and I watched a few days ago. Click for a much larger image.