Why must people be so annoying?

So this is mostly just a rant because I am so sick of seeing this shit in my feed. And before you say "Just delete the people." I already did. But now I'm pissed and I feel the desire to blog about their fucking dipshit asses.

First off, there's the people who think they need to post everything they do every second of the day.

Newsflash asshole: http://twitter.com/

Go there before I castrate you.

Second. I fucking HATE the people who constantly sit there and claim they are going to "leave Facebook" and never fucking do. GO THE FUCK AWAY IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.

Status #1: "Fucking scene people ruined Facebook! I'm leaving."
Well good. I didn't like your whiny fucking updates anyway. Nobody actually cares that some stupid bitch in your biology class copied your hair. Guess what? You are not the original sin- get over it asshole.

Status #2: "In 48 hours I'm leaving Facebook- FOR GOOD."
Do you REALLY have to announce that? What are you looking for? A bunch of people to be like, "Oh my god noo don't leave I love you!" or "Oh no what happened are you alright?" or maybe even, "I'll leave too if you're leaving! I just love you too much to be here if you're not!"
Well guess what? I'm not going to post that. I'm going to march right up to your fucking wall and write, "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE NOW?"

Status #3: [Note that it's past 48 hours from last post] "I really am leaving Facebook. I am."
If you were actually planning to leave you'd be gone by now. You are a fucking whiny asshole and I am going to track you down and force feed you captain crunch until you explode.

Shut the fuck up.

Third, the people who post shit that is always depressing and you know it's made up because it doesn't make any sense if you actually keep track of what they say. 

Status: RIP Grandma, it's too bad you had to go so soon. You and fluffers- he was such a good dog. 

Comment #1: Oh god that's so sad. What happened? 

Comment #2: Emily I'm so sorry! That's terrible!

Emily: Well she was watering the lawn and then the house just exploded.

Comment #3: Oh no! Are you okay? Were you close to your grandma?

And then next week someone asks her how she's doing after her grandma died, and she goes, "What? My grandma didn't die..."

Fourth, the people who sit and complain about stupid first world problems.

Oh my god, my parents bought me a car but it's RED and I wanted a BLUE one! I hate them! They never listen to me!

Hey I know a few starving people in Africa that wouldn't mind a red car. They'd trade it for food but they don't care that it's red. 

My life is so bad. All my friends are jerks and my parents hate me...what's a girl to do?

Well my first suggestion to you, is to get your ugly ass off Facebook and rethink your life. Last time I checked, the perception of happiness in life is 10% what is handed to you and 90% what you do with it. Maybe instead of taking the knives life hands you and stabbing yourself in the arms- why don't you use them to cook dinner? Next suggestion, if your friends are jerks, quit whining about it and get new ones. Mean to you once, shame on them. Mean to you twice- shame on you. Mean to you three times, you're a dumbass. 

To fix your parents hating you problem, how about you look at what they do for you instead of what you feel they don't? Do you have food to eat? Yes? Shut the fuck up. Do you have clothes to wear in the morning? Yes? Shut the fuck up. You obviously have internet and very likely a cell phone that THEY pay for. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. 

My fucking chemistry teacher failed me! I can't believe this! I'm so mad!

So unless there was a mistake in entering your grades and really you aced the entire course (in which if that's the case go talk to your teacher instead of bitching), you deserved that F. You make your own grade. I'm so fucking sick of hearing a bunch of babies whining and blaming their teacher for their bad grade. Guess what? It's YOUR fault. You could have gotten help, you COULD have studied more instead of playing video games. YOU HAD A CHOICE AND YOU CHOSE WRONG. Stop blaming other people for your shitty decisions. 


I'm one of these people you mentioned and I'm fucking pissed that you think that any of the above things are my fault. You are a bitch and I hate you. 
 I think that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me...and I'm a bitch? D:

Tell me something I don't know.  

 

Bad Clothing Choices

So today I was just browsing around the grocery store and I realized how shitty so many people dress. Now I understand people probably think the fact I wear a t-shirt, jeans, flip-flops and no make-up is shitty but who gives a fuck what they think.
That's right- denied.

Sometimes I just wonder what goes through people's heads while they get dressed in the morning. It's like they see a whole different them than everyone else in their general vicinity. For example, there was a woman dressed in a tube top and some booty shorts.
I actually think they were normal shorts before her ass ate them.
Now this wouldn't have been a problem at all had she not been like 350 pounds. It's like, what provokes you people to think it's appropriate to quite literally display your baggage for everyone else to see? If you were hoping people were going to stick dollar bills in your fat rolls you have some serious delusions that you need to work on. What do you think when you put that on in the morning?

"Oh well let's see, I have a mu-mu or a pair of sweat pants. Oh dear that is quite the bare selection. I know, I will wear my 16 year old daughter's tube top and shorts." 
 -And then after you look in the mirror and the Michelin man's ugly twin sister, then what? 
"Oh hot damn I look fine. I look better than her. Hopefully she wont want these back because they'll be four times her size after today."

And then as you browse the frozen pizza section, people pity the fact your husband doesn't want to be seen in public with you. 
Or ponder if perhaps you rolled on top of him in bed.
Oh so YOU were the one who filed the missing person's report. The SWAT team is on the way. They brought rope and flashlights. Why the rope? Oh- so they can tie themselves to a pole so if they get lost they'll be retrieved. 

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Another thing that happens to bother me is when I see people cruising around with stupid sayings on their clothing. What in the fuck makes you think that is a good idea? No I'm not talking about those shirts that just have dumb pictures with a caption- I'm talking about serious motherfucking shit. No really. It gets worse. People wearing this crap make me wish there was a "People of Winco" site so everyone could laugh at them. But alas there isn't.  
Like the other day... 

I'm walking around and I am picking out bananas when I look over at the girl wearing hot pink sweat pants. Now if the color wasn't horrifying enough, the word EASY was written across her ass cheeks.

What the fuck people.

You may as well walk around with the words, "I suck dick for free." written on your shirt. It's like the same thing. Or how about, "Everyone's had a ride." or perhaps, "STD Factory." 
What? No? That's okay I have more ideas.
I honestly question the motives of humanity sometimes when I see shit like this. Scenarios are all too common where it's like,
"Oh my god so I just don't get it, I'm walking around the store and all these guys keep looking at my ass and asking for my number. What pricks! I just don't get it."
Meanwhile the word "Slut" is written on her ass. Come on people. 

Maybe you SHOULD let your mom dress you, at least she won't dress you like a dumb ass. 

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  What also makes me mad is this all too common fad of letting your pants hang to your knees. I don't get it. First it started as kind of something you might see in a rap video, but then it spread like the fucking plague. Why would you want to display your ass to me while I walk behind you with a shopping cart? You make me want to ram this cart into your ankles.

Then to add insult to injury, guys let their pants hang down so low they practically fall off and THEN they wear goddamn stupid underwear. 

"Well I wear my pants so low because I wanted everyone to see my Justin Bieber boxers."
 Nobody fucking wants to see that. Oh- Oh- I get it. You're hoping if you wear Justin Bieber's face on your ass then 12 year old girls will chase you around? You'd have better luck dressed like Pedobear. At least he's somewhat cuddly. 

Next time you think about wearing your pants around your knees consider this...

You're walking through the store minding your own business. Perhaps you're buying some crackers. When suddenly a fucking rhinoceros shows up at the end of your aisle. It charges straight at your fucking face. 
Oh I'd tell you to run but your pants are so low you can't. 
You die.
The end. 


Maybe next time you'll think twice before you decide it's a good idea to wear your pants around your ankles. Perhaps try pants like MC Hammer's. They may not be fashionable but they went to his ribcage and are so baggy you could outrun a rhino 




Bitches- learn how to dress. Japan is laughing at us.

And that's saying something.