Making Your Resolutions Matter

For many, the new year brings a lot of things- some good and some not-so-good. The new year brings the start of tax season, fad diets, fireworks, champagne, and many resolutions to make the promise of a fresh start this new year a good one. Many resolutions focus around making your own life a better one.
Losing weight.

 Making more money, or finding a better job.

Getting organized.

All of these are fantastic resolutions to better improve yourself and your life, but have you ever thought about making resolutions to better your life as well as others? By making other people happy, you are indirectly bettering yourself and your life. 

I've spent the last month or so toiling in my own mind, due to my boyfriend suddenly breaking it off by silence and shunning, seemingly due to me trying to be nice and care for him. I've never met a guy that dislikes me bringing him dinner at work and leaving him random gifts- just because I can. So I spent an absurd amount of hours rolling over my actions in my mind trying to fix what I broke. It didn't help, but it did push me to come up with all the things I did wrong this year.

- - - So as before I get into the resolutions I would like you all to consider, I also would like you to consider how you direct them. People often tend to feel like you being kind for apparently no reason harbors a hidden agenda, or perhaps an unmentioned expectation of elevated return from them. I've had it happen more than once, since people don't understand who I am, and apparently I'm weird. 

Who wants to be normal anyway?

#1. Don't assume people know you love them. 

 This is the biggest mistake you can make in my opinion. It may sound weird to just randomly text your best friend and remind them that you do, in fact, love them and are glad they are in your life. Don't take your family for granted and assume that just because they are your family they know you love them. Fucking tell them- maybe not every day, but at least once a month you should let them know you care about them. They may not be there tomorrow, you may not be there tomorrow. 

#2. Stop being afraid. 

I can make this apply in almost any situation. You want that job? Apply for it, the worst they can do is say no, and you lose nothing. You want to study astrophysics? Fucking do it, don't be afraid to fail, because you can't succeed unless you try. Stop letting fear hold you back from what you want. Fear of rejection is the biggest one. You like that girl that works at the book store? Ask her out, tell her she's pretty, do SOMETHING. Stop just staring at her and never making a move- you'll regret it later. Don't be afraid to speak your mind, many beautiful things are never said because of fear of what people will think. Do it.

#3. Give out more compliments. 

I think I like giving people a compliment more than I like receiving one, but let me tell you, when someone tells me my hair looks nice or I have pretty eyes it really makes me feel nice. Why shouldn't the happy feelings be spread? Does your coworker's hair look nice today? Tell her! Oh look, your friend got a new suit for his job interview, let him know how sharp he looks. 

This is especially helpful when you don't care for someone all that much. Perhaps you don't like the way they conduct themselves, instead of dwelling on that, find something kind to say. It will make them, and you, feel better. 

 

#4. Do random nice things for people.  

There is no reason that you can't bring your coworker cookies on any given day, there doesn't have to be a special occasion. If you see a shirt that makes you think of your friend and you have the means to buy it for them, do it. I mean, why not? Leave a kind note on your friend's laptop when they aren't looking and then walk away. Buy the drink at Starbucks for the person in the car behind you at the drive thru. It doesn't have to be much, but even little things can really brighten people's day. 

#5. Make sure you show appreciation.  

I saw this in action at my work. When you run a crew of people in a timed manner through stressful situations, it really helps to let them know they are doing a good job. You always need to let people know you appreciate what they do. If you don't let people know that someone notices and appreciates what they do, they may just stop doing it. If someone does something nice for you, send them a thank you card. If someone compliments you, say thank you instead of disagreeing with them.

#6. Put yourself in other people's shoes.  

This can be one of the hardest things to do. Sometimes you just want to scream at someone that has made you angry, or done you wrong. Instead of jumping on their ass, take a minute to stop and think of why they did it. Don't over analyze, but make a thorough judgement call as to what might have led them to their actions and compelled them to do it. They may have been acting in what they felt was best interest or good intention. While that may not excuse them, it can help you to hear them out when they explain their side.

#7. Love without bounds.  

This one is however you want to take it. For me this is a motto I prefer to live by. I may get angry and I may be snappy, but I still love people. More than I think I should sometimes.

#8. You are not a doormat, quit acting like one. 

While I am a firm believer in unconditional kindness, there is a limit. Some individuals do not understand the line between asking a few favors and taking advantage. You should always seek the best in people and try to help whenever you can, but don't let people step all over you. Find your line and don't let them cross it.

#9. Do not let others define you.  

If you do not define who you are, and you are not confident in that definition, you will be molded into what others feel you should be.  This isn't necessarily bad in all aspects, but you shouldn't change who you are to better suit their needs. If you like your weight, don't change it to make someone else happy. If you like dyeing your hair or wearing make up, don't listen to people that tell you to be "natural" if you don't want to. Be your own person. You might lose some people that way, but if they leave for a petty reason like that, they didn't need to be in your life in the first place.

#10. Have more fun than you can handle.  

I was terrible at this one. Until I made friends with people that enjoy getting together and partying, crafting, or just hanging out, I never did anything- ever. Find your people, find your activity, find your calling and do it. Go out to bars, stay home and read, laugh so hard you nearly pass out. Get up and sing karaoke and get booed off stage. Do everything, live everything, be everything. You have one life to live and you should have as much fun as possible doing it. There is always a time for work, but don't let it consume your life.

I am going to do my damnedest to do all these things as much as possible. So if you know me personally and I bring you cookies...don't get all weirded out. Make this year the best year of your life up until now. Make every day better than your last, and make it a point to go out of your way and make other people's day.

Put a smile on a stranger's face, because it will bring a smile to yours.

Unless you're grumpy cat, then you can't smile.

Cholla Showdown: Fruity Pebbles and the Cart Game

I was on my way to Winco when my friend texted me, asking if I could pick him up some cereal. I asked him what kind he would like, to which he replied,

Fruity Pebbles.

Little did I fucking know these fruity colorful crisps would get me into a throw down with a cholla at Winco. 

Fast forward to when I was browsing the store, picking up my groceries, when I came to the cereal aisle. There was a girl standing in the aisle with her cart parked right in front of the cereal I was supposed to pick up. She was browsing the selection herself so I politely waited. 

...and waited.

....and waited.

...and waited.

I wasn't necessarily in a huge hurry, but I wanted to get in and out and home. I walked up while she was on her phone texting and made my presence known.

"Hey there, you think I could sneak by you and grab a box of cereal?"

She looks at me and kind of leans forward and says, "Sure, you can as soon as I'm done." and goes back to texting. I was a little taken aback. I mean why can't you just move your fucking cart for three seconds so I can grab a box of cereal?

I continued standing there for a good three minutes watching her text and refuse to move her cart. I finally just walked forward and tried to lean over her cart to grab the box of cereal I was after. 

THE BITCH FUCKING SLAPPED MY HAND.

SHE FUCKING DID IT.

JUST REACHED ON OUT THERE AND SLAPPED IT.

WHAT THE FUCK WHO DOES THAT?

I JUST WANTED SOME GODDAMN CEREAL YOU WHORE.

"I said you can wait until I'm finished. Fucking rude." she said.

You know I realize that Fruity Pebbles isn't necessarily the healthiest cereal available and it's probably best my friend didn't eat it, but that is no reason to slap me. I should not be punished for my friend's bad eating habits.

Really, I just lost it. I lost all nerve and that little bitch switch in my head clicked into the "on" position. I said, "Fine. I can wait." and I reached out and scraped as many boxes of cereal as I could off the shelf into her cart and walked away. All I heard was, "Ohh my hells you bitch!" as I turned the corner. I didn't even want the cereal anymore,

but I was determined to make her sorry for not letting me have it.

I waited around the corner as she turned to go the other direction through the store. I walked behind her, making sure she didn't know I was following her. She pulled into the shampoo aisle and parked her cart at one end because there were multiple people parked in the aisle. She went to the far end and began picking out the perfect soap- hopefully to wash the bitch off. 

I noticed her cart was devoid of all cereal particles. It was near barren, how sad. I watched her sniff soaps from around her cart and I once again stuck out my hand and knocked multiple things into her cart. Most of the toothpaste and condom variety. I then walked around the aisle and waited on the cashier side. 

"What the HELL, bitch!" 

I heard the items clunk onto the floor one by one as she emptied her cart again. I was not done yet. She walked right past me fuming and storming to the bakery goods. I watched her park her cart by the stands of muffins and she walked around the stand to grab some bagels. I walked towards her cart and grabbed as many loaves of that nasty white bread off the display as I could. I walked over and put it in her cart and I walked away into the wine aisle. I watched her walk back to her cart and her reaction was priceless. 

She threw her bagles into the cart and screamed a nice yelp of frustration. At this point multiple onlookers had begun to focus on her. She yelled about a bitch and white bread, which could easily have been taken as a racial slur. She then threw the white bread on the floor and threw up her hands. Everyone else had a confused look of, "Why did she get all that white bread if she was going to get angry about it?"

She then walked off towards the frozen foods, and I decided I had to fuck with her ONE more time. I know I could have just left it at one and she might have learned her lesson. I know, I'm immature, blah blah blah. I went to the cereal aisle and grabbed like six boxes of Fruity Pebbles off the shelf. I walked towards the frozen foods and saw her looking at sour cream. Her cart was parked beside her on the other side of the aisle since she was looking at an endcap of the aisle. I walked around the back side and right as I was about to put the cereal in she walked around the corner to find me getting ready to drop it. I froze and she stared at me. I looked her in the eyes and basically acted like I was going to take the cereal back. I leaned back up and went to turn and walk away. 

Then I fucking threw the cereal in her cart and ran away screaming and laughing. I didn't even buy anything. I had ditched my little handcart of shit a long time ago to fuck with her and ran out of the store laughing so hard I could hardly breathe. I got to my car and continued to laugh so hard I was crying. 

**Note, it says Cholla in the title, which I realize is totally racist and inappropriate, but she was of Latina decent and was in a sorority. I'm not trying to stereotype anybody or be racist, I just thought it was funny that when I told this story some of my friends classified her as a Cholla, or Latina lady gangster, essentially. Not trying to be racist at all. JUST THROWIN' THAT OUT THERE.