I'd give it to him.
I'd be like,
"Dude get dah fuck out of mah house." D:<
I'd get a bat and hit him with it and kick him till he was dead.
Okay no I wouldn't.
But if you think about it, if someone came into your house, threatening the lives of your family and yourself you would be more than willing to try your hand at kicking their ass. It's only natural.
Self defense.
Protecting your kin.
Whatever you want to call it.
Although, when I am faced with a different kind of situation I tend to panic and run in circles, making sure to steer clear of the object causing me peril.
Oh not to mention, I scream like a little girl.
Spiders.
Little bastards.
People are all like, "Oh man you can't blame them they are just trying to liiiiive. They just wanna liiiive."
They can live all they want- but it can't be in MY house.
"Oh but they eat bugs, and they keep you from having to use pesticides in your home."
Annnnnd....?
The point is. Spiders are these tiny little things. While all of them are "harmful" in some fashion, very few are deadly to humans. Why are so many of us afraid of them?
Cause their fucking scary- that's why.
How shit goes down.
I'm on the computer doing homework, watching Netflix, or surfing
What I wish happened...
1) I walk over to the kitchen, and I grab a cup. Calmly of course, as there's no problem if the spider gets away because I can just catch it later.
2) Grab a piece of scratch paper sitting on the floor near the spider.
3) Gently set cup over spider, slide paper underneath.
4) Put spider outside.
5) Sit back down the continue previous tasks, unfazed.
What actually happens...
1) Think I see spider while doing whatever I am doing. Ponder if I should actually look up to see the spider or if I should just ignore it and hope it goes away because "it's not really there."
2) Decide to quickly look up and just see if it really is a spider or if I'm just being paranoid.
3) See that it is a spider.
4) Begin to panic. Notice that it is all the way across the room but could charge any moment.
5) Wonder what to do. Pull feet onto the couch because spiders wouldn't dare try to scale a couch.
6) Yell for Brian, wait for three minutes.
7) Brian catches spider, puts spider outside, goes back upstairs.
8) Continue to think that there are spiders everywhere. Scream at every leaf, dust bunny, stain on the carpet, or hair because I think it's a spider.
Now I've thought about it, and there must be quite the panic going through Brian's mind when this happens. Because it's never just...
"Brian!! Come down here there's a spider, could you get it?" in a calm fashion.
Instead it usually goes...
"Brian! BRIAN!! BRIIIAAN!!! AHHHHHHHHH! AHHHH! AH AH AH AH AH!! AH BRIAN BRIAN BRIAN!! AHH HELP ME! EEEEE! AHHHH! AHHHH!"
Accompanied by various slamming noises as I try to jump on anything nearby and knock shit on the floor.
What probably goes through Brian's head:
Oh no, Kori is screaming at the top of her lungs in need of assistance, in a very loud and panicked voice. What could be happening?
Possible scenarios that go through his head as he runs to my aid...
- Robber has broken in and is beating the living shit out of her while trying to steal her plants.
- She has accidentally set the kitchen on fire while trying to bake tofu.
- She slipped and fell and broke her leg/foot/hip.
- A flaming UFO has crashed into our 5 by 6 foot back yard.
- She's mad because I didn't help with dinner and she needs my help now.
- Bigfoot is attempting to kidnap her to the fore.....it's a spider.
And it's not even a big spider.
What. The. Fuck.
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