Rude, Crude, and Tattooed

So Thursday I decided to graduate to the "Big Kids Club," according to the lovely MyKala, and I got a tattoo.

That had to be one of the most nerve wrecking things I've ever done. I've had so many different piercings, none of which I kept, but never a tattoo- merely because of how bad I've heard it hurts.


Bitches weren't lying- it fucking hurts. 

Anyway, I went into the place with my friend Ian for moral support. I wanted the plant I was studying, Solanum dulcamara, tattooed on my body. Now, apparently it's common for people to get their first tattoos somewhere not so painful. Maybe their back or upper arm.



Not me, no sir. I went straight from crazy to flat out dumb ass.
I got it on my foot.
And this wasn't a tiny tattoo. It wasn't just some cute little flower, it spanned across my entire foot. 


I went into the little room where she had me sit on the bench. She cleaned and prepped my foot and we put the stencil on my foot to position it. She transferred the stencil onto my foot and then started loading the gun. 

That gun was so threatening. Just looking at it was pant soiling worthy. It was like,
"Oh hi there, I'm going to rapidly inject ink into your foot at like a thousand miles an hour okay? Don't worry, you wont feel a thing!...if you die before I touch your foot, that is. :)"

It wasn't really encouraging when the lady doing my tattoo, Lisa, who by the way was very nice, said,
"You got balls, dude. Gettin' it on your foot- that shit hurts."

She started doing the first flower and it honestly wasn't THAT bad. It stung like a cat scratch or something, nothing too serious. I still cringed a lot and kept forgetting to breathe. Ian kept reminding me "Breathe, holding your breath will make you tense up and make this feel a hundred times worse." So I forced myself to breathe sporadic, uneven, and painful breaths. I felt like I was in labor or something. Except I was paying them to do this to me. Haha, silly me.

After the first flower she let me move my foot around and gave me the option to stop if it hurt too bad to move on. 

I seriously contemplated stopping at this point. It was hurting pretty bad and my foot felt like it was on fire. 
I thought about it for a minute, contemplating my options some more. Would it be worth it?
How bad could it hurt? I mean she was like 1/10 of the way done. 
Let's do this- keep gunnin' my foot!

And that was mistake #2. Mistake #1 was doing this in the first place. 

She continued and did the other flowers and continued down the stem. I was to the point where I was tearing up because conveniently, the more they drag a rapidly vibrating needle down your foot, the worse it hurts.

Self Pep-Talk Time!
You can do this. You are so close, she's like halfway done and you are not even bawling yet! You can fucking do this you are awesome! Like a bo-

That's when she hit the side of my foot and I screamed, 
"OW OW OW OH MY GOD THAT REALLY HURTS!"
To which Lisa most sincerely replied,
"Bummer, dude."
And kept tattooing my foot.   

At this point it felt like someone was dragging a knife across my foot. Let the tears begin. I started crying. Flat out crying and squeezing the SHIT out of Ian's hand.

Poor guy had to ask me to let go so he could shake his hand out.
Fuck that really hurt.

Then, at last, Lisa announced she was finished. Then she offered me the option of shading it.
Once again contemplation arose. I thought about it...
....
......
........
..........No.

I went home with a pretty new tattoo on my foot. Which has caused me nothing but trouble since I got it. :D

Moral of the story: Tattoos on feet hurt and if you have to walk all over, they are a bad idea.

:)

 I'm guessing you guys want to see the tattoo then? Well I suppose I could let you then. 
The Real Plant:

The Reference:

 The Actual Tattoo: