Why the Rest of the World is Sad Brian Moved Out

Because he took away my phone when I drank, at least while he was here, that is. Now when I go to a party and play beer pong and drink beer, I have my phone on me. Oh yes, yes I do.

And I apparently am not afraid to fucking use it.

The first text I'd like to apologize for really isn't that bad, it was just to someone I'd told myself I'd leave alone, apparently drunk me doesn't think that's necessary:
"Ball in the cup!! Ball in the cup!! O'Hara and Kori win! Weehehehehe :0"
Okay, not so bad-  still apologizing since I am an idiot. Hmhmhmmm.

Moving on.

The next victim...I mean friend, I texted- got a lot more than I think he bargained for when he texted me going, "Hey what's up?"

Me: Beer pong.
Him: Alcoholic ;) lol
Me: You fucking know it...but not really.
Him: How drunk are you?
Me: Not very, why?
Oh if you wanted to play 20 questions I'm still down with that. What's your favourite shape of potato?
Him: Well I prefer the more round and symmetrical ones cause they are easier to cut and peel. Where did that come from?
Me: I think you meant to ask, "What's your favourite shape of potato?" and the answer is: Blue.
Him: ....cause that cleared a lot up.
Me: It cleared everything up. You just weren't listening!
Him: ohhhhhyeah....no. So what's your favorite type of hat for a llama to wear?
Me: Obviously a fedora.
Him: Makes sense.
Me: Well yeah. I mean how else are they supposed to paddle across the Atlantic without a fedora to guide them?
Him: Exactly! I knew someone else had to get it.
Me: Yeah, and slinkies, fuck slinkies. They just want to have sex with you while you aren't looking.
Him: Well that was less of a question and more of an anti-slinky campaign slogan but okay, haha.
Me: Are you saying you support slinkie rape? Slinky rape is STILL rape, you know.
Him: Not support, per se, Fim and profit from it, maybe.
Me: You're sick. You're like the pigeons that wait for people to sit on benches and then poop right beside them, and then as the person freaks out and is too preoccupied with the potential for getting shit on,  the bird swoops down and steals their baby. 
Him: And I don't even give them a reach around with that fucking.

Note how I spelled "Slinky" different multiple times. The main issue I see with all this drunk texting-

It's not much different from my normal train of thought.
Damnit.